Dear American Airlines,

We all know it is silly to expect legroom, food, or even snacks on long flights, but it was rather presumptuous of me to expect that after spending only USD $1,070 on airfare I would be entitled to a clean seat on your aircraft. Fortunately, when I notified your helpful flight attendant that the previous occupant had smeared sticky chocolate all over my chair, he rose above and beyond the call of duty by thrusting a handful of paper towels and alcohol wipes from the galley at me, courteously declaring, “You can clean it off with this.”

As your cabin announcement indicates, you know I have my choice of airlines. So I would like to say: thank you, American Airlines, for offering me those wonderful paper towels completely free of charge!