• America does not have air conditioning.

    • Americans are bracing for attack from tourists. Big poster near immigration agent warns: “WE ARE AMERICA’S FIRST LINE OF DEFENSE.”

    • Americans are strong in the face of challenges. Emergency evacuation instructions inside AirTrain read: “Step 1: Remain inside the train.” Where I come from, when train catches on fire we run out the door!

    • Americans do not clean bathrooms so much. Crust on floor and stink of animal quarters reminds me of outhouse in the old country!

    • Newark is in the state of New York. My friend, he tells me it was in New Jersey, but souvenir t-shirts all say “New York.”