Christ­mas means trav­el­ing with two bags. I arrived at the air­port for my first expe­ri­ence in this checked-baggage-not-included world. To my sur­prise, they have not installed cash reg­is­ters at the ticket counter! So how does a guy who uses a credit card only for large pur­chases check lug­gage on Delta Air Lines? Fol­low these easy steps:

1. Iden­tify your­self to an auto­mated kiosk.
2. When prompted for num­ber of bags to check, touch “1”.
3. The next screen asks you to swipe your credit card now to be charged $15. You never said you wanted to pay by credit card, so touch “cancel.”
4. When prompted for num­ber of bags to check, touch “1” again.
5. When asked again to swipe your credit card, call for human assis­tance. Ask where the cash option is.
6. Human will advise that the only way out is to choose “0” bags (an option now help­fully labeled “Free!”).
7. Approach counter with bag to check. Iden­tify your­self to counter agent.
8. Agent will scan board­ing pass 3–5 times before declar­ing it unusual that the com­puter will not per­mit her to check your bag. Wait for a super­vi­sor to reach the same con­clu­sion before ask­ing, “Is it because I declared zero bags at the kiosk?”
9. Agent will accom­pany you back to the kiosk to mod­ify your check-in.
10. Agent will advise you to again select “1” bag, but this time to answer “yes” when it asks whether the lug­gage con­tains sport­ing goods, live ani­mals, dry ice or firearms, even if it does not. “I real­ize there’s no way you would have known that,” she will add.
11. A help­ful pop-up screen will now advise you to see an agent at the counter.
12. Return to counter with the agent. Pro­duce $20 bill.
13. Agent says she will be right back and car­ries the money to the back room.
14. Smile help­fully at the peo­ple behind you in line.
15. Agent returns in 5–7 min­utes, hav­ing com­pleted the nec­es­sary paper­work to make $5 in change, and you are on your way. What could be easier?