…that some­one in a rum­pled suit would speed-park his Jaguar at D’Angelo’s, then actu­ally go inside.

…that the “large” sand­wiches at the new Quizno’s are inad­e­quately large for a meal, yet they also offer a “reg­u­lar” and a “small.” (I asked to see these other sizes for com­par­i­son, but they could not do it.)

…that Quizno’s dis­plays their ordinary-looking sand­wich breads in a wood-grained case labelled “ARTISAN BREADS.” On closer inspec­tion, the “arti­san case” is clearly made of plas­tic with a painted-on wood grain.

…that one would ever con­sider tak­ing a fast-food chain’s claims seriously.